Knoxville Christmas Parade 2011: Please Cut this Out!

Horses in the 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

In addition to floats, there are a number of random parts to parades in the south. We must have horses and I’m good with that. We must have high school bands and that’s great. Good news and bad news in this years crop: Many of them didn’t seem to be playing very much as they passed me. I could hold an instrument, guys: play those bad boys!

Marching Band, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Marching Girls, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Marching Band, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

On the good side, the ones who played, played Christmas songs! That’s nothing small in Big Orange Country. Those of you outside this area may not understand how big a deal it was that I attended a Christmas Parade in Knoxville and didn’t hear “Rocky Top” even once. I sincerely thank every band director who had a part in the musical selections for avoiding this abomination.

Dancing Presents, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Neon Dancing Guy, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

Chefs in a Truck, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

We also need a little bit of weird just to keep things interesting. I liked the dancing presents, though I think I would have died if I’d been told that would be my part in the parade. There was a dancing glow-in-the-dark guy who was hilarious and then there were two apparent chefs in a white cart. Maybe they were lost, I’m not sure.

Then there were the floats and participants who just need to be cut. Like the vehicles below: if you have a cool vehicle (even if you sponsor the parade) you don’t get to just ride around and advertise your business. Please do not come back!

WIVK Vehicle, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Harley Davidson Truck and Trailer, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

Advertisement, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Plumbing Truck, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

 There were non-floats masquerading as floats like these:

More effort, please, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade


Come on Scouts, Be Prepared Next Year!

 Like last year, there was Wraslin’. Please, people. This makes us look incredibly red neck. Wait, what?

Wrasslin’ for Baby Jesus, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

Finally, I could not stand the last two. For contrast with the first, I’ve included a weak float that at least knows whose birthday this is about. The next photo shows Coldwell Bankers forcing their agents to march with signs and a giant birthday cake – not celebrating that little baby for whom we have the holiday – no, they are celebrating their own birthday. Poor taste guys, really.

The Correct Birthday for the Occasion


Embarrassment, 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

The absolute worst, in my opinion was a pure campaign float. Nothing to do with Christmas. It’s shameless. I do not know Mr. or Ms. Whitehead who is running for County Tax Assessor. Please vote for his or her opponent. Really. 

The Worst Entry in the 2011 Knoxville Christmas Parade

So, that was fun. Next year I’m sure there will be a whole new crop of atrocities to lampoon. In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying the season and all the great Christmas activities in the city. Happy Holidays, Y’all.